Well this one was no different than the others in that regard, but there was a special treat in store for me this time that I am all too excited to share with you loyal readers. Our president came with my boss and me this time. Oh what a treat! In order for you to understand what a delight it is to spend a full 36 hours with our president, let me give you a little insight. Our president is a nice enough man, married, 2 kids in college, lives in a country club and pays my salary, so I like him well enough. But there are certain things about this man that really irk me. For example:
- He's from New York. And not New York as in that fabulous Upper-East Side of Manhattan, sexy kind of way. I mean in that obnoxious east-bumble side of New York State kind of way. Now, honestly I wasn't really aware that people in NY actually LIVED outside of Manhattan, until I met Dan. Dan however is a rare breed of New York. While he's from somewhere in New York state, he has lived in Atlanta for the better part of 25 years (as he's been with the company since he was my age and now runs the place). So he has a very strange accent. You can definitely hear the yankee in him but it's a funky-yankee accent. Which, in fact, makes it more annoying than your average yankee. Don't get me wrong, I love myself a "good" yankee out there (aka my roommate Lily), but not like this.
- He is a perfectionist with a temper. But not in that OCD perfectionist kind of way - more like the way that he wants it done is the only right way kind-of perfectionist. And that is just frustrating. Because I can spend the better part of 50+ hours on a project report that I'm ready to present to a client and he'll come back and basically make me start the whole damn thing over again because he would have done it this way. Now, I know that he's been with the company 25+ years and he knows a thing or two about the business so I should probably just heed his advice and bite the bullet and hunker down (how many more cliche's can I fit in this sentence?) but the problem is, even when I do things the way he likes for them to be done, there's always SOMETHING else. It's just a never-ending cycle. And he's one of those guys who takes a lot of things way too seriously. Like I am always afraid to make a joke about anything around him for fear that he will take it the wrong way, even if it has nothing to do with him. He just doesn't quite get my sense of humor I guess because I feel like I hear a lot of crickets around him if I try to make a joke about something.
- Which makes #3 very ironic. He thinks that he's hilarious. You know how your parents always crack these lame jokes and puns and you just kind of politely smile and say "that's a good one dad", well that's what it's like with Dan all the time. You can't not laugh because he's the president, but it really sucks when the jokes simply ARE NOT FUNNY. Or even worse, you don't get them because he's missed his own punchline. Speaking of dads...
- He drives like my dad when we're running late for something. oh. my. gosh. I've never had such a terrifying, vivid flashback in my life as I did in the car with Dan the last two days. My family has this weird problem with being perpetually late for important functions. Whether its the Christmas eve service at my church, a dinner for a family friends birthday, whatever! Whenever the whole family is riding together (an extremely rare thing these days), we always are running late. And everyone in my family (aside from my brother) hates being late to things. So in these cases, my dad will continuously speed up really fast and slam on the break to make a turn or when we get to a red-light. My mom and I will be holding on while bracing ourselves for the worst as he nearly rear-ends someone in the process. Of course mom speaks up, "dear, even if we're late, I'd rather get there in one piece than for us to hit someone or something, please slow it down!" and then dad says "honey, we're gonna be late for the show/dinner/christmas eve service, I'm just tryin to make up for lost time" and I sit quietly in the back, stealing glances at my brother looking petrified. Well, Dan drove like this everywhere we went for the last 2 days. Our flight was a little delayed getting in on Tuesday. We landed at 6:30 and we had a client dinner at 7pm. By the time we rented the car and started heading that way, we knew we were going to be late. And on top of that we got completely lost, so Dan is flying like a bat outta hell and missing turns because we're going to be late and I am suddenly right back in the back seat of my parents SUV feeling petrified. And my boss is riding shotgun and I can tell she's trying not to say anything about his driving - she's trying to navigate after all - and they're fighting about directions and where to turn. And it's so uncomfortable. It's like when your parents fight about directions, only these aren't your parents, they're your boss and president of the company, who are almost your parents age, which is why it makes it so familiar and so uncomfortable. Especially when Dan says "I've got a feeling its right up here" oh I bet you do Dan. Let's rely on your directional instincts since they've gotten us so far already. And this goes on for almost an hour. We didn't get to dinner until 7:40. Now if this had been my dad, I would have said "Dad, seriously? Why dont we just call the restaurant, this is ridiculous, we were supposed to be there 40 min ago" but you can't say that to the president of your company! So I had to sit there quietly, twiddle my thumbs and pray to god we wouldnt get in an accident. By the time we got to dinner all I wanted was a drink.
- Which brings me to dinner. I guess since I'm the youngest person at the table by 25 years, that means I get to be the butt of the joke that's not even funny as I mentioned in #3. Yay! Who doesn't love that? So I get picked on for having too much luggage, almost making us "late" for our flight that got delayed because of the TSA checkpoint (i had too many liquids and they wouldn't all fit in that teeny quart-sized ziploc bag so of course I have to go through and throw some of my stuff away before I can get my bags checked, grr, i hate flying), and oh isn't it funny that she needs so many products because she's so young! She shouldnt need those until she's at least 40! I'm sorry but I HAVE to have my moisturizer, a decent shampoo, conditioner, facewash, body wash, deodorant and toothpaste. As well as a hair-dryer and straightener, unless you want me to freeze my ta-ta's off in this god-forsaken northern city because my hair is wet! And I can't help it if my mascara, toothpaste, chapstick/lip gloss are all considered liquids too! It's not my fault that I'm a woman with unruly hair to take care of! Dan is, obviously, a man so he doesn't need anything but a clean pair of underwear. And my boss wears a wig because she just finished chemotherapy a couple months ago, so I can't help the fact that I actually have to pack essentials to take care of my appearance. And the client and his wife obviously live there so they didn't have to worry about any of that stuff - but boy did they enjoy joining in on the fun at my expense thanks to Dan. And of course I just have to sit there and take it because all of the 50+ year olds at the table (cough cough, everyone but me), is enjoying Dan's "jokes". Ugh, FML. Can't it be 7:40 on Wednesday already so I can be out of your presence? please???
I have to say though, the meeting on Wednesday went very well, despite how exhausted I was from the plane ride and lack of sleep I received - No Hilton this time, they were booked up for a convention. But again with the plane ride back and the drive back from B'ham to Atlanta, I about wanted to rip my eyes from their sockets with Dan's driving. It was pouring out and I saw my life flash before my eyes 2 or 3 times. So I opted for playing Brick Breaker and tuning out the conversation for the majority of the ride home.
Now I'm at the office, needing desperately to get some work done. More adventures from Dan later. Ciao.
B
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