Chivalry...is it dead? Part 2

Happy Thursday everyone. So last week was rather hellish at work so I didn't have time to post too much but I have been trying to write about this topic for over a week now so I figure I better get to it!  I have stumbled across some very interesting articles and blogs related to dating/sex/relationships recently and I think it's time I offer my 2 cents. But first - Part of what lead me to today's post is much more than just these articles and blogs. It has to do with what's going on in my own life and my friends' dating lives.

So, can I get real with you guys for a minute? (Always!) So over the last 8 years of my dating life I've definitely kissed a few frogs and have yet to find my prince.
And I've come to grips with that and have actually accepted the fact that not everyone should be happily ever after by the time they're 25 (which is less than a month away btw, holy shit - but that's another topic for another day). But honestly, WTF is up with the dating world these days? Not that I have insight into REAL dating from any decade other than the 2000s, but from what I hear, dating aint what it used to be. It used to be wooing and romance and vying for women's affection - competing even - in some situations. And now it just seems like there's no interest to date anymore. Either that, or the definition of dating has changed over the last couple of decades. Technology has completely changed the way that people communicate and it has honestly given guys the upper hand in that regard. We used to be so excited to hear the phone ring and find that it was him on the other line (before the days of caller ID), and now those same feelings are aroused when we see a facebook wall post or a text message. And as a result of our excitement over these texts/facebook messages/emails, we've allowed males to hide behind technology, thus resulting in lazier and lazier forms of pursuing women. And it's not totally their fault and it's not totally ours, but I just think that as technology makes everyone's lives easier, it also makes us (as a generation) lazy. What happened to man courting woman? That shit doesn't ever happen anymore. Now, you meet a woman at a party. If you don't see her going home with you THAT night then you might ask for her number to give her the idea that you're a "courting" kind of guy but really you only put that number to use for a booty call. And if you don't ask for her number, you facebook her instead. And resort to facechatting, gchatting and maybe texting eventually - but not too soon because that involves some kind of understated commitment that you're not ready for.

I recently heard a disgusting (and unfortunately brutally honest) account of the way a lot of guys think when it comes to "dating". Guys like to "spread their seed" (yes i totally agree there's a huge ICK factor to that phrase) to a lot of women at once so that they essentially always have someone waiting in the wings to get busy with. It's not so much that they necessarily are interested in dating all (or ANY) of them and eventually becoming exclusive. They are just one of the typical types of guy that likes to have a lot options, all the time. So whoever he feels like hooking up with at the time will be waiting and ready. It's kind of sick if you ask me. But these are the same guys who like the chase, the conquest. They are the ones who like to find that attractive girl who seems hard-to-get, and when they finally snag her, she gets put on the back-burner without even realizing it because the chase is over. Even if the hookup is great, they'll probably lay low for a while and keep the woman guessing why he hasn't facechatted in a while (and that sentence in and of itself is pathetic...facechatting as a top form of communication? makes me want to rub my face on a cheesegrater) . Then he'll swoop back in just in time before she's completely written him off and will keep her dangling at arm's length until she finally wisens up and realizes he's not worth it (sadly that may be years into the faux-relationship).

This blogger's site advises women to avoid these types of men in the first place. If you have to play hard-to-get to even get their attention, they're probably not the guy for you. Whereas if you aren't TRYING to play hard to get, but you simply ARE hard to get (because you have a life and more important things to spend your time and energy on, rather than worrying about a man), then ideally guys will be knocking down your door to try and ask you out. Right. If "dating" still meant asking a girl out. But unfortunately it now means getting together for a group hang, a networking event, a work-lunch, an e-date, or meeting up at a bar. And when the rest of the world is getting married, it kind of makes the single girl feel like she should be where the married friends are in life, thus resulting in all-consuming thoughts about how to snag a great guy. So we settle for non-dates and read way too much into them. Then get upset with ourselves and our friends when he flakes after 4 non-dates. Why do we waste our time on guys like this? Because apparently "all guys" have been conditioned to think this is the proper way to "date" in 2010. It's a way to casually decide if they like a girl enough to sleep with her and flake take off or if they might get up the balls to take her on a real date one day. It's sad, but it's true. Jess and Becky of WTF is up with my love-life? believe that we need to learn to adapt to this new way of dating. To accept it and adjust our lifestyle and embrace this non-dating world. And there's a part of me that absolutely wants to lead the movement against it! And there's another part of me that thinks - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I guess what I need to determine is, are there SINGLE guys out there, in their 20s and 30s, who believe in the old-fashioned, tried-and-true REAL date anymore? Or are Gen X and Gen Y completely doomed for this post-dating world in which non-dates are the closest thing we get to a real date? I don't really want to settle for the Group-hang and the networking-date to count as a date. And while I can understand that meeting someone in these types of outings is OK, I can't condone considering them as actual dates. What would I tell my future kids? oh yes, your father took me on this lovely group-date with 5 other people. it was so romantic! he didn't pay for anything and I got to hang out with all of his friends and at the end of the night, I didn't feel like i really knew him better at all! I just knew what his friends were like and how he acted around them. Which I guess was fine. And then I drove myself home. There was no goodnight kiss because he didn't walk me to my door...because I drove myself home. That's just sad.

Ugh, then again, why is there such a stigma about women being happily-ever-after by our mid-20s? Our parents' generation obviously didn't all get it right by marrying young because half of the population is divorced now (baby boomers included!) So why is there such a pressure to have it all figured out by 25? Are our parents just THAT eager for grand-babies? I certainly don't want to be 40 by the time I figure it all out...but I also don't want to settle for what seems like a "good guy" just because I'm at that age when it's expected.

Sorry for the rant today kids...been trying to write on this topic for almost 2 weeks now and it's been impossible to close on the subject. Still is. I guess I just leave you with some questions to ponder/comment about:

ARE there men out there (single, and 20/30-something) who believe in traditional dating? And if so, are they just NOT in Atlanta? Why do our parents want us to be happily-ever-after so young? Shouldn't they be wishing for us to find our soul-mate rather than being concerned with our eggs drying up if we don't find A man in the near future? How did some of our friends get it right so young? While the rest of us are a clueless as the day we were born?