You remember the Gaggle right? Well mine's been fairly non-existent recently and I think that's primarily my own doing. I've gone from "fairly fit and willing to date/putting myself out there" to "feeling fat and watching my roommate start a relationship and not wanting to meet anybody." So I've put what little semblance of a Gaggle I had on hold and I'm trying to focus on myself right now. My San-Fran bestie and I are starting a weight loss blog here (feel free to follow!) so if I'm lax on this blog, you can check out that one.
Despite my best efforts to cleanse myself of all men over the past few weeks, I found myself in the middle of the most pathetic gaggle-fest ever when I woke up Saturday morning. Friday was an interesting turn of events to say the least.
One of my exes who's still around showed up at the bar on Friday and we had a LONG talk catching up on each other's lives and it eventually lead to "what caused the breakup", "why we're better people for going through it" and "do I ever think about what might have happened if we'd stayed together."
Truthfully, I've thought about it a time or two but in all honesty, I'm glad things happened the way they did. And I couldn't really imagine being with him now. He's one of the greatest guys I know and honestly deserves someone wonderful, but I don't think that will ever be me. The attraction is gone. If we ever got back together it would probably be for nostalgia's sake and end up being a huge mistake. So I think it's better that it lies where it lies. I've never been one for trying to rekindle with exes. I've done it once and it didn't work out very well so, never again. He did, however invite me to a wedding with him. But I don't think that is an effort to get back together, I think it's just because I know a lot of people there and he misses hanging out.
In addition to that fun little trip down memory lane with the ex, my prospect who's not a prospect propositioned my p**** on friday. He and I have crashed with each other several times in the past. This is not new news. He's sort of the Sex-Less Inn-Keeper a la How I Met Your Mother. Or he used to be until he moved further away from the bar. Anyway, point is, we have had somewhat regular sleep-overs for a few months after he and his former flame officially parted ways. This is not weird for me. I don't think it's weird for him. We've been best friends for about 8 years now and every time I crash with the Sex-Less Inn Keeper, we do exactly nothing. Except maybe wake up spooning. But who doesn't do that when they share a bed with someone of the opposite sex? As I mentioned earlier this month, it's been, well, a while since I found myself between the sheets with someone in a more-than-platonic way, and Friday night was no different, only SLIK was kind of interested in more than holding my hand. But he's a prospect who's not a prospect! He truly is one of my best friends! And as a best friend, I know when he's just being drunk and horny as opposed to him truly having feelings for me. Guys and girls are so different in this aspect. SLIK is willing to risk our 8-year friendship because he just wants to get laid but the truth of the matter is, he's still pining over that ex that I referred to earlier. (I'm not just assuming, he actually told me this) I will not be someone's rebound f*ck. I will especially not be someone's rebound f*ck that is one of my best friends. But I do think he needs one. And soon. (If anyone out there is interested, I can put in a good word for you with SLIK.) Anyway, I'm starting to think that maybe these sex-less sleepovers are maybe a bad idea. As in, the sleepovers should cease all together.
Dudeships made the point that men and women cannot be friends because one partner always wants more. But I'm not sure if that's really the case with SLIK or not. (Dudeships would argue with this of course but I'm going to be stubborn and say no) I don't want more and I don't think he wants more except when he's drunk and thinking with his penis. If it hadn't been me, it could have been some other lonely woman who's name he didn't even know.
So where does this leave me? With a pathetic gaggle, that's where. And I probably shouldn't care but seriously? That's one of the sorriest excuses for a gaggle that I've ever seen. 2 guys that I have no interest in? Does this mean I should re-evaluate the way I look at them? Or should I continue to wash my hands of all men until I'm at least 10 lbs lighter?
Ugh. If you need me, I'll be counting points and exercising.
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