Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Unavailable Career Booster turned Ego Booster

Some of you may remember my friends over at WTF is up with my love life!? and the amazing knowledge they've dropped on the world over the last couple of years regarding millenials and the post-dating world we live in today. If not, definitely check out their website and keep reading because I'll touch briefly on a few of their Gaggle definitions in this post.

Since I've moved to New York, I haven't been overly concerned about my dating life - or non-dating life for that matter. There was the Brit back in September - a guy I met the first weekend I moved here. He took me on 2 dates, the first of which I almost blacked out due to dehydration, too much caffeine and a lack of food in my stomach (not because I drank too much, I assure you). The second date, he told me his Visa was expiring in a month - which either meant he wasn't interested enough to continue to date me or he really would be deported. I'll let my readers decide on that.

Then there were a few Romeos I met at the UGA bar, none of whom panned out to more than a slightly intoxicated make-out sesh after a Bulldog Victory. And following that, there was one other fellow who struck my fancy. He was tall, dark and handsome and from Missouri. We went on one date before the holidays and unfortunately it didn't amount to much. Aside from that, my dating life has been bleak, to say the least. But despite all of this, I have somehow managed to fill 3 spots in my gaggle with one man...and unfortunately he will never fit the Boyfriend Prospect bill. Let's just call him Wall Street, or Walter, for short. Walter and I crossed paths initially when I was working my contract advertising job this past fall. Nice guy, easy to get along with but we probably met 3 times in person prior to my contract ending. When I left my contract job, Walter offered to be a professional reference for me (enter: Career Booster) in my next career move and I gladly took him up on the offer. When I returned from my holiday trip home, I contacted him to follow-up on the reference promise he made and we decided we should get coffee and catch up about our holidays.

The coffee was casual enough, somewhat professional in context and somewhat personal. I found out that he has a girlfriend, or a "girl he's dating" as he puts it. So enter: Unavailable Guy. That's all fine and good. I don't exactly condone getting involved with someone who is going to be serving as a professional reference - that's not very professional after all. But the coffee definitely felt a bit like a non-date when we left. Walter almost immediately emailed me when he returned to the office. And so I responded. This went on for most of the afternoon - still tried to keep things professional enough and not cross too much of the flirtation line but still be kind and be myself. Later that evening though, I received an email that essentially said he thinks I'm a gorgeous girl. Hello Ego Booster. Naturally I was flattered but...this is an Unavailable Guy first and foremost. Do I let this slide and allow him to serve as an Unavailable Ego Booster in my Gaggle or do I nip it in the bud before it can go any further?

Well, before I had a chance to respond (slash I didn't know what to say so I didn't respond that night), he emailed me in the morning saying he hoped he hadn't crossed a line and made me uncomfortable. So rather than make a big fuss, I said it was no big, I just didn't really know what to say and it had caught me off guard. So I thought that would be the end of it...but we've remained in touch and there's the occasional flirty comment from him. We've had coffee 3 times in a month but we leave it at that and gchat some during the day. I guess I am just curious if an Unavailable Guy can also be an Ego Booster? Or is it almost a sense of emotional cheating and I should cut things off or dial it back to a more professional contact? Any thoughts are much appreciated.

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