Roses are Red

Morning fellow hot messes!

So I've recently been following My So-Called Online Dating Life (if you follow my other bloggers to the right, I'm sure you've noticed) and this single 30-something brought up the long-distance e-dating predicament. Ugh. As if online dating isn't hard enough - you want to throw 2000 miles between you as well? NOT my idea of a fun time. You'll remember a while back when I had some Romeo from Illinois contact me about a band that he was trying to promote and his girlfriend had just left him for someone on facebook, right? Well, as I was commenting on My So-Called Online Dating Life this morning, I received another interesting email from a potential online suitor. It's short and sweet, and by sweet I mean, weird and creepy. Here goes!

____________________________________________________________________________

Hi.
How are you today?
I would like to meet you for dinner sometime if you like.
Have a great day.
John
I have a couple dozen red and white roses in my fridge if you want them.
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Ummmm...what does one say to that? Are you a florist? Do you just keep red & white roses in your fridge because they smell good and you've got something funky growing in there that you feel the need to potpourri it up? Did your boyfriend bring you roses and then realize you were "going through a phase" so he broke up with you and now you want to try dating women? In which case, I don't want your re-gifted roses! Or maybe you bought them for someone else and she stood you up? Why on God's green earth would you feel the need to slip that little remark in there? Is that supposed to impress me? Newsflash mister: maybe if you said something a little more generic than "Hi. How are you today? I would like to meet you for dinner sometime if you like." and actually intrigued me enough to go out with you, and we got to know each other a little bit before me meeting you in a deserted ally so you can chop me up into little pieces, maybe then, just maybe, you could bring said roses on the date with you to surprise me! Just an idea? What do you think roses are just going to lure random girls off the street into your house. Are you an "ice cream man"? Do you think 25 year old women see a "free candy" sign and just want to jump into your shit-hole of a van and suspect nothing crazy to happen to them!? Seriously, WHY do you have a couple dozen red/white roses in your fridge? That's just creepy! That would be like me saying: "I have an x-box 360 and the new madden game at my apartment." Um...ok. Wait, that's probably a bad example because some guys who don't have that probably would be dumb enough to come over and play that all day. Ok, how about "I keep getting playboys delivered to my apartment if you want them." Ok, ya know what, this example simply doesn't work in reverse. Because guys would probably be dumb enough to come over for pretty much anything that they could get at the store themselves - why? because most women aren't creepy molestors so there's no threat for a guy to come over to a girls place. That's just the way it is.

Anyway, did I mention the man is 41...? yeah. So no, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to come over and get those roses out of your place. Lord knows I'm not coming over there on the day you contact me for the first time. And by the time I could possibly be comfortable meeting you, I'm not going to your house. And by the time I could possibly be comfortable going to your house, the roses will be dead. So, again...WHY do you have roses? and WHY are you telling me that?

Ugh. With a side of Ugh.