I know I can be long-winded at times but....

If you're a regular reader, you know that I have a tendancy to ramble at times. I'm sorry. I can't help it. Sometimes I just can't seem to put my thoughts into the most simplistic and concise sentences. Yet you dear readers still humor me, read the whole thing and hopefully by the end still feel compelled to comment and for that, I thank you. So, in the spirit of all of this thankfulness and appreciation, I'm going to cut right to the chase for this post. Over the weekend, around 11:30 or so Saturday night, I received the LONGEST match email I've ever received. Ever. And I simply HAVE to share it with you guys. Enjoy!
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match say we''re compatible i tend to agree, you?

I looked in a 500 mile radius from nola using the exact qualities I would require in order to truly be able to be in a committed permanent relationship with someone, and I found hardly anyone that has been on here in less then 3 months. Needless to say you were one if by chance your intrigued say hi anytime. A person like yourself is a rare find....so i'll start out with a compliment, my sisters (6) say ladies always like compliments if not its because they are not interested... as such i will say i haven't seen many people in my searches that have your beauty and stylism (which is an architecture word, any word can be made extra special by putting "ism" at the end). Your images are obviously not touched up and are only 3x3 but i feel compelled to say that there is a very real radiance that shines through in them. i say this not because I'm trying to find something physical but simply because after reading through your information and reviewing these images of you i would say very easily your definitely the type i would like to find. that doesnt mean i'm looking for marriage or anything, but anyone i date i want to have qualities of someone i would have in my life as a friend at minimum.

Lets see alittle about me is that I’m considered funny, cleaver and sweet. Ah that sounds fake don’t it? Regardless, I'm not sure if anyone ever really knows what there like, but my friends all tell me i'm funny, weird, but professional....but what do they know.. personally i think i'm sophisticated and classy...

right now all I do is study for an upcoming series of exams I have to pass in order to be a licensed architect and capable of working on my own. So that’s really my only short term goal. Long term obviously it’d be nice to be in a relationship and working from home doing design. I'm also doing a lot of research on grant writing and mitigation planning for tribes of louisiana.

list of insightful questions: (a pre-recording) – no need to answer them all -

you don’t have to answer all, just something to open up a “written” conversation.

so what kind of kisser are you? slow/passionate/deep/aggressive/ something else

So what do you do? What would you like to do? And of course have you grown up yet?

do you agree with PDA?

do you have any favorite sayings? be them yours or someone elses? do you like the theater or prefer movies?

well hope to hear back from you...oh 1 more have you had any bad experiences from on here? my funniest one was a date with a woman that seemed like my type she even jokingly asked me if being 3'2" was going to be a problem...har har said irwin well come to find out...drum roll...she wasn't joking, talk about awkward. she was seriously half my height.

irwin
irwin_arch hotm

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Ummmm... SERIOUSLY? And what makes this worse is that I'm pretty sure Irwin sends this to about 10 girls a day because there is not one SINGLE thing in this email that is specific to my profile alone. He made so many generic compliments that "any girl" would be flattered to hear...if she's dumb enough not to realize that there's nothing specific he's actually complimenting her about. If he'd maybe said SOMETHING about any of the following topics, I might have felt about 10% inclined to respond:

SEC Football (or any football for that matter)

Singing/music

Running

"I go for blondes" (or something to that effect)

UGA

Theme/costume parties

Writing

Cooking

Yacht Rock

How I Met Your Mother

Virginia Highlands

Atlanta

And let's not even talk about the 20+ spelling/grammar errors in his impressive novel-based email. So why don't I take a moment to respond to dear Irwin:

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Hey there Irwin,

Let me be quite frank here. My profile explicitly states that I am looking to date someone in ATLANTA. Not 500 miles away in New Orleans, not even 100 miles away in Birmingham. I want a guy who I can actually see, in person, on a regular basis. I absolutely refuse to start a relationship with someone long distance. That makes absolutely NO sense to me whatsoever. How can you even do that? It seems pointless and like it would be a huge waste of time. But I digress. Those were some really sweet compliments you paid me, however vague, presumptuous and grammatically incorrect they were. Growing up with 6 sisters, they certainly taught you well. You know, how women actually like to be told WHAT IT IS they're being complimented on. I have re-read that first paragraph about 6 times and I still can't quite grasp what it is you're complimenting me on. Besides my "radiance and beauty that shines through" from my photos - which I don't quite actually understand, I can't really see what else you're complimenting me on specifically. And you keep saying that I possess all the qualities you want in a long term relationship woman - but what qualities are those? Would you like to clue me in on that? Because if I'm being honest, which is something that I value in a relationship, I'd say that you scripted this long, verbose email whenever you first joined match and you send it to any pretty girl in a 500 mile radius. There's not a single thing in your email to me that touches on anything in my profile, which makes me think you didn't actually read my profile. Otherwise, you might have mentioned one of the topics that I am passionate about - or what makes me possess the "qualities" you're looking for. You're pathetic, not only because you have horrible spelling and grammar mistakes, but you're pathetic for thinking that any smart girl, who's actually potentially worth your time, would fall for your spam-ism (did you see what I did there!?) bullshit-ism (there it is again!).

So why don't you run-along now, maybe send that email to a girl who didn't go to college and can't sniff out the bullshit when it's wafting towards her from 500 miles away. Thanks Irwin. And good luck finding someone out there who doesn't think you're a complete douche-bag.