"Bros" vs "My girls"

So my week's kind of been shot to hell thanks to Aaron Karo. Seriously, I don't know how I've never heard of him ONCE over the last 13 years. This baffles my mind. Because I'm usually pretty savvy when it comes to what's hot on the interwebs. I mean, hello 2003 Ebaumsworld and Collegehumor.com. Who could forget the initial viral videos that hit the internet - beginning with the Ally McBeal dancing baby (probably in 1997), to the Aisha video and The End of the World animation in 2003, Bubb Rubb & Lil Sis, to the more recent Bed Intruder Song (Hide ya kids, hide ya wife), and every other thing that's gone viral over the last decade? They're all classics. Everyone shares them. And yet somehow, on my collegehumor.com visits, the best-designed beer pong tables took precedent over the amazing Aaron Karo. WHY?!?!

Ok, the important thing is, I've found him now. And I've been getting a lot LESS work done this week as a result. Today I read a great Rumination entitled "Boys" (Rumination #86 to be precise) and Karo makes an interesting point that I want to expand upon. Here's the following entry from Karo:


-Twentysomething males often refer to their guy friends as “my boys.”  Likewise, women often refer to their female friends as “my girls.”  But there’s a huge difference between my boys and your girls.  Namely, your girls suck.  Your girls change every season.  Your girls are catty.  One of your girls probably fucked your boyfriend.  Female friendships are often contentious, jealousy-ridden, and, ultimately, ephemeral.  But not so with my boys.  I started with a group of friends in elementary school, gained a few in high school, added several recruits during college, and all those guys remain my boys to this day.  Moving to Los Angeles last year was difficult, but whenever I get a text message from one of my boys back East telling me how big a crap he is currently taking, along with how little he misses me, I feel like I never left.

-All my boys have an understanding that they will endure vicious but good-natured verbal abuse from one another.  For instance, a few months ago my boy Gadi gathered our high school crew together and told us he would soon be moving back to his native Israel permanently.  With a lump in his throat, he explained that his “soul just feels better in Israel.”  At which point we all broke down laughing.  Now he can’t say a word without getting made fun of.  Gadi: “So what do you want to do tonight?”  Us: “Not sure, how does your soul feel?”

-But at least Gadi was able to take the abuse face-to-face.  My old roommate Brian was not so lucky.  He once made the unfortunate mistake of going to Europe with a friend and leaving a cell phone voicemail message that said, “I will be out of the country for two weeks.  If you need immediate assistance, please contact my fiancee.”  Oh sweet mother of God how could you leave a message like that?  When Brian returned home he had about twenty-five voicemails from the boys requesting “assistance” from his fiancee for, among other things, eating his own ass.  Even Gadi left a scathing message, which presumably made his soul feel much better.

-Clearly, your girls are clouding my boys’ heads.  Like recently when the boys received an Evite from our friend Seth’s girlfriend, announcing Seth’s birthday party that Friday, 10pm, at Stir Bar.  Fair enough.  That is, until Seth, demonstrating an egregious error in judgment, emailed the boys a few days later asking for suggestions on where to throw his girlfriend her own, separate birthday bash the following weekend.  Triplet #1 was the first to respond, emailing, “Yeah, I have an idea – how about this Friday, 10pm, at Stir Bar…at your fucking party.”

-I’m far from immune from taking shots myself, however.  In fact, my moving away has provided the boys with a virtually unlimited supply of ammunition.  When I visit New York this week, my every move will be met with a chorus of “Karo, you’re so LA.”  Me: “Let’s start getting drunk early tonight.”  Them: “You’re so LA.”  Me: “What do you think of this new Yankees hat?”  Them: “You’re so LA.”  Me: “I hate LA.”  Them: “Then why do you love it so much?  Nice shoes, fuckface.”  Where’d that come from?

-Of course, you could have easily just read this description of my boys and concluded we’re all evil and hate each other.  You might think we’re no better than the girls I earlier so handily excoriated.  But the truth is, guys bond by making fun of each other.  As twisted as it seems, I think that constantly demolishing each other’s self-esteem ensures that no one ever gets too big a head – which is what I think often leads to your girls being reduced to an ever-rotating panel of dyed blondes who don’t share any history.  My boys in 1996 are my boys in 2006 and will be my boys in 2016.  And that really does make my soul feel good.

Ok, now to some degree, I can rationalize what he's saying - especially about "his boys" - of course here in Atlanta, they're called "bros". This Rumination was written in 2006 so Karo has probably adapted the Bros term by now which I think is extremely douchie but, whatever. I get that a lot of guys have their high school bros and their college bros and their after college bros, but I honestly cannot agree with him on the whole "girls being reduced to an ever-rotating panel of dyed blondes who don't share any history" sentiment. I've got at least 8 solid girl friends that I've known for over 10 years, and probably another 10 I've known for over 20 years - and at age 25, I think that's pretty fucking impressive. Yes, there are friends that I've only got about a year or two worth of history with, and a few girls with less than that - but "my girls" are not every girl I hang out with every weekend. There will be some girls who cycle in and out but those will never be "my girls". They're not the person I would call in a crisis or because some guy broke my heart or to dish about the new guy I just met. The non "my girls" friends that I have are usually a product of my guy friends bringing around randoms. Yeah we'll small talk, maybe think the other girl is cool, swap digits, but most of the randoms are never going to be one of "my girls". That's why I think Karo is wrong. Now I know that my scenario may not be true for all girls - actually, the randoms that come around are the ones who this is probably never true for - but most girls have a solid core group of "their girls" that they are holding on to through thick and thin. I mean, what, do you think Now & Then taught us nothing?? "All for one and one for all!"

But the one part of Karo's Rumination that I will agree with is that, "guys bond by making fun of each other.  As twisted as it seems, I think that constantly demolishing each other’s self-esteem ensures that no one ever gets too big a head". Oh my gosh, every time I'm in a room with more than one "bro" it inevitably leads to each of them making fun of one another or a bro not currently in the room. And I can 100% support it when it involves shrinking guys egos - because lord knows "bros" are notorious for being highly arrogant frat-tards that think they are God's gift to women and can do no wrong, no matter how demoralizing and unjustified the behavior. It's just "fucking hilarious" when he tells the stories to his "bros" the next day, no matter how douche-baggish the actual event that he's bragging about actually is. And this is something that, having dated a "bro" or two in my life, I've come to understand and accept. It seems neanderthal-ish to behave like complete idiots and pretty much any and every fraternity initiation are perfect examples of this rudimentary behavior (not that I would know, right?), but it's something that I think most women my age have come to grips with. Men have and always will behave like children when they get together with their buddies. Sure, the majority of men will reach a point where they want to settle down, get married, start a family...but as soon as pre-season football begins, you can expect your guy to revert back to that peter-pan syndrome at least one day a week when he has the privilege of getting together with the boys. Perfect Example: any episode of The League.

In closing I'll say this: there's no doubt that there's a different sort of bond between "bros" and "my girls". That being that women actually show the respect they have for "their girls" and men would rather show their "bros" the size of their shits in the toilet.

And on that note, happy Friday everyone!