What do Joe & Blake have in common?

They're both names of exes and both great gay bars. A little ironic, huh? Actually, Blake's not the name of one of MY exes but...whatevs. It works. And if you don't like it, I don't really care.

So yesterday I suffered through one of the longest days of work of my life and didn't get a chance to share the awesome tales of debauchery (part 2) with Stuart.

Monday night, after working off a hangover most of the day, I finally recovered and got my act together in the afternoon - excited to make plans with Stuart, my GBF. He wanted to go to Joe's on Juniper (excuse me, for the gays in the know, it's just Joe's - as Stuart's boyfriend so poignantly pointed out to me).
Duly noted Josh, duly noted. So we had dinner and drinks at Joe's and Stuart is well on his way to getting tanked - it was his birthday after all, so it was only appropriate that he be well taken care of and drunk as a skunk by the end of the night. Well one of our best friends, Cravey, met us out for dinner and drinks on Monday, and let's just say that he was definitely the in minority of the group that was dining with us. Cravey and Stuart and I grew up together and we've always been close friends. When Stuart came out of the closet it didn't change anything in mine & Stuart's friendship. And Cravey always said it didn't change anything for him either - to each his own, ya know? But for a straight male to be the minority at dinner - it can be a little bit uncomfortable for a guy (or so I would imagine). But Cravey made the best of dinner - he and Josh (a newly-out gay man) really clicked and were able to talk about football and whatnot - I think it really helped Cravey get comfortable with everyone.

One thing you should know about Cravey, Stuart and I is that we all grew up singing on the stage. Aaand, when we were all becoming besties in late middle school, Backstreet Boys & NSync were at their prime. So you can imagine when our choir director was choosing songs for the summer show, we had to suggest that Stuart, Cravey and 3 other boys perform Backstreet Boys songs. And a couple years later, NSync songs. And maybe we should have known that when Stuart choreographed the whole thing from start to finish, each time, that he was well on his way to gay-dom but we were also 14. And secretly had a crush on him. Because he WAS Nick Carter, or Justin Timberlake. But I digress.

So we continue with dinner and Joe's and Stuart gets up to use the restroom, comes back and all of a sudden "It's gonna be me" is playing on the stereo speakers. Yes. And. Please. This particular song hits home for me, Cravey & Stuart because this was one of their BEST performances. So we're sitting at the table and you can see Cravey, itching to start dancing. It's one of those dances you don't forget. They practiced it so many times that it will always be with them. So they're both singing at the dinner table doing muffled dance moves so as not to cause a scene. But since we were pretty much the only people in the restaurant I'm not really sure why they held back. It felt a little bit like the scene in footloose when the music is being played at the drive-up diner and people know they're not supposed to dance but they just can't help themselves. Sure enough, this little gem was followed by a Britney number, which caused Stuart and all of his friends to errupt in squeals and begin singing. It was like our own personal dinner theatre. And it was awesome.

Joe's was followed by a trip to Blake's. Blake's is a place I've never visited before but I've heard pretty great things about from the gay community. I've never really been given any detail about what type of bar it is and to be honest, I was really surprised when I actually walked inside. I think I expected it to be more of a club-type bar, as opposed to a dive/pub. It wasn't super modern or anything fancy and fabulous. If you just walked in to the place, empty, you would probably think it was a little dive bar/local watering hole/whatevs. But when the sun goes down, the place actually turns into a Drag Night. Yep, we were greeted with some fun, fierce and fabulous drag queens at Blake's. Now I've been to a drag night before at Shout. But this was a whole different bird. When I went at shout the queens were rather (I can't believe I'm saying this) "pretty". They were creative and jaw-droppingly feminine. Their "shows" were put to amazing music and their dances were so entertaining. Umbrellas were used, crowd interaction was hilarious and you can tell these she-males work hard for their tips. Blake's was...well...not that. It was like the Clermont Lounge for gay-bar-drag-shows. You know, the women you really don't want to see because they're old and/or ugly. The too-tight-fitting clothing on huge, fat, "voluptuous" black women. They just kind of tried to seductively walk around the room for tips while a dance song that I'd never heard before played in the background. Sure, they'd shake their hips from time to time and kind of saunter over to different parts of the crowd. But as far as I was concerned, it was like Amateur Night and I was thoroughly unimpressed. The one saving grace of the evening was Nicole Paige Brooks - of Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 2 fame. Yep - the Atlanta native was there and she performed at Blake's Monday night. Not sure who I'm referring to? I wasn't either on Monday. But Stuart & Co saw her, pointed her out and met her. They were about as excited as Ralphie on Christmas when he got his Red Ryder BB Gun. Still not sure who I'm talking about? That's ok. Here's her photo from Season 2

Yeah I never would have known who she was - but she was sort of a celebrity that night. And probably my favorite part of the evening. Stuart, Dusty, Stef and Josh all had to meet her as soon as they spotted her. Cravey and I held back. Partially because we've never seen the show, partially because we're just out of our element. After her amazing performance, Stuart simply HAD to introduce her to Cravey. And Nicole proceeded to talk to Cravey about how he reminded her of her husband. I believe the exchange went something like this:

Nicole: Oh hi there Cravey, I'm Nicole.

Cravey: Uh, hi, nice to meet you.

Nicole: You remind me so much of my husband. He's short, kind of like you (Zack Morris Time Out: Cravey is not short, but Nicole is just SUPER tall and she was wearing 5" heels. Zack Morris time in).

Cravey: Oh yeah? haha, that's funny.

Nicole: Yeah...you're just like him - I just wanna gobble you up (gives him an up/down, check-out look). Mmm-hmm, you are yummy, just like my husband.

Cravey: (unfortable laugh) uhhh, ha-ha-ha. uhh...well um...our bar tab is open downstairs so I'm going to grab a drink. Nice to meet you.

Cravey proceeds to grab my hand and sprint down the stairs, lighting a cigarette on the way down.

Me: Cravey, I thought you quit!?

Cravey: um...did you just HEAR that? She said she wants to gobble me up! I need a whiskey and a cigarette right now - I don't care what I said!

Me: haha, I know, hilarious!

Cravey: NOT hilarious. That's gross.

Me: She got it removed! It's ok!

Cravey: Ah! Ah! Stop! I don't even want to think about it!

I about died in laughter! And then we proceeded to have 3 gay guys hit on Cravey and tell me I was gorgeous. It was fun. Gay guys are so friendly! Anyone will just walk up to you and tell you you look fabulous or gorgeous or beautiful or sexy. What a confidence booster!

Needless to say, Cravey got shwasted so that he could deal with the pressures of a gay-bar. And my night was fabulous.