E-Dating continued...

Ok - so last time I blogged I was just getting ready to try out the jungle of the online dating world. See what it's like first-hand. Because there's all this talk about "is there a stigma" when it comes to online dating? And what better way to find out than to experience it yourself. And what have I discovered over the last few weeks? Well...a LOT. When I was setting up my eharmony profile (which took over an hour), I sort of live-blogged. You see, I'm still somewhat of a skeptic when it comes to online dating because how well can these sites really match you up with the right person? So below, I'll share with you some of the thoughts that ran through my head when I was signing up for the free trial:


On the 4th page of the questionnaire it asks the following:

How well do the following words describe your physical appearance?
Stylish
Attractive
Athletic
Overweight
Plain
Healthy
Sexy

Um....who's going to answer negatively to any of these? And what does it mean if I do? I mean I don't want to toot my own horn or anything but I think I'm attractive! If I put Extremely on that scale does that make me look like I'm also extremely arrogant? And honestly who doesn't think they could lose 5 lbs? but does that make me overweight? Crazy...oh well, guess I gotta keep pluggin along.

How satisfied are you with your physical appearance?
How important is it that your partner be physically attractive?
1st of all, this is a loaded question. Of course everyone wants to be attracted to their partner - that's a no-brainer. No one is going to want to look at someone hideous. But how the hell does eharmony have a knack for picking out what YOU the consumer find attractive? What if my type is a tatted up, shaved head, 21 piercings guy that weighs 260+ and is 5'8?  It's a completely subjective question! I'm not sure that eharmony would necessarily deem that as "attractive" based on their commercials. But...who knows? Let the sign-up process continue...

This thing never ends! I've already answered over 100 questions and I'm at 40% complete. seriously?

Three things I'm MOST thankful for...EVER? ummm....my readers? my friends? my family? this is a toughie. I don't really think mentioning the blog is the best opener on my profile - "oh yeah I'm doing this as an experiment for my blog - not because I actually want to meet my future husband..." may not get us started on the best foot. idk.

True or False: At times, I have raised my voice in anger
um...really Eharmony? Who hasn't?? You show me someone who hasn't raised their voice in anger and I will show you a LIAR! yes I just raised my voice on the word LIAR! You heard me!

no joke all of these true/false questions make me sound like a horrible person but if you say what you "should" say, then you're just a liar! They're too general! Let me post a few more for ya:

I sometimes drive faster than the posted speed-limit (umm...sometimes? yeah)
I dislike some people (no one likes EVERYONE)
I am sometimes tempted to make fun of people behind their backs (again, sometimes? yeah, some people are just easy targets and i don't think anyone can honestly say they've never done this, hello junior high)
There are times when I am envious of other people's posessions (I'm envious of my friend's car, my friend's house, my roommate's hair, my other roommate's closet...is anyone ever 100% satisfied with what they own and not wishing they had the next best thing?)

I'm sorry but these statements are all just vague enough that you'd be lying if you didn't agree with them. All of this "Sometimes" or "some people" - well of course you're going to agree! If you don't you are a LIAR! So what does this mean? These questions don't illicit any real information because everyone will answer them exactly the same way, right? otherwise, you're just an extremist...and I'm not sure that's the best thing either. hmm...

Well now it gets interesting. Once you've completed the questionnaire to get you started, they want you to fill out a profile...and it asks the following questions:

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
What is the most important quality you're looking for in another person?
Other than appearance, what is the first thing people notice about you?
What is the one thing people DONT notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

If I was joining this to seriously find my husband (which apparently this site is supposed to help me do) then I would take this seriously...but I am not sure I buy into this online dating thing yet so I'm not really sure that I want to answer this seriously.

___________

And that's where my live-blogging ended. I actually ended up saving my work and coming back another day to answer those profile questions. They're kind of hard to answer because you have no idea how it's going to affect your matches. Which I guess is the point. Eharmony is supposed to be able to do that for you based on your answers and profile...they're supposed to be the experts, right?

So I ended up communicating for free for the 10 day trial - but it was what they called "guided communication" and it wouldn't let you view anyone's pictures. So essentially, I was talking to people who's names I couldn't put faces with (which is actually kind of scary when you see that a 26 year old Chris has opened communication with you and you suddenly realize "wait, I know a 26 year old Chris, and he's from Atlanta, like this guy, and he has 2 older brothers that are his "role models" and oh shit. Am I talking to someone I already know????? But there's no way of knowing for sure because 1) I can't see his pictures unless I pay and 2) the guided communication only lets you pick and choose from specific eharmony canned questions. I guess theorhetically I could have asked him for his email address in phase 3 of communication (when you're able to ask open ended questions in hopes of really uncovering some of those layers and determining if you want to take the communication even further by subscribing! But there's something that's a little uncomfortable about giving someone your email address that you can't even see what he looks like.) I had a couple of guys who actually sent me an eharmony email but I couldn't read it because I didn't subscribe...and honestly eharmony was a little to costly for me to actually want to pay to do it. Especially when other sites are free and/or half the price. Which is exactly what I did.

During this Free Communication Event for Eharmony, I signed up for Match. Match seems to have some things figured out in terms of reeling consumers in. It's a little more flirty and fun than eharmony. Eharmony is more like the strict school principal of the e-dating world (Mr. Feeny if you will - Boy Meets World). You can only operate within the strict parameters they allow unless you want to pay. It's not that exciting and it's something you quickly lose interest in. Match is more like the new, cool, hip teacher that decides to not give you homework over the weekend (the motorcycle riding, leather jacket wearing Mr. Turner of BMW). It's a little more flirty, a little more of a tease. You feel like you're getting away with something. And that something is being able to look at profiles and pictures, and even wink at the boys you find attractive. It also lures you in because it tells you when someone has messaged you. But it won't let you read it unless you subscribe. Which is totally where they got me. I had 14 emails in 2 days and I couldn't read any of them. But I could see who they guys were who had messaged me so I got to view their profiles and decide if it made sense to read their messages (read: subscribe). Finally, curiosity got the best of me and I did it. I subscribed for a brief period. And so far I can't say that I regret it. I certainly haven't found a husband yet, or a boyfriend for that matter...but I have been pursued, called, texted and asked out on 3 dates now. And another one is in the works.

Now don't get me wrong - there are definitely some creepsters on match that have tried to contact me. People who send the generic "hey u r hot and sexxxy! wanna chat?" message that have clearly taken their picture with their camera phone. in their bathroom. with their shirt off...sers dude? You don't have a friend that can take a picture of you? You have to take it with your camera phone in dim lighting to try and showcase your abs as well as your cockiness in one full swoop? My guess is, if you don't have a friend who can take a normal-looking, non-grainy picture of you, there's probably a bigger reason as to why you're dating online. Also - what is with that message? It reminds me of aol circa 1998, 12 years old, when you'd sit at your "family computer", wait for the dial-up modem to connect, making about 30 seconds of obnoxious sounds and finally get you into America Online. And of course you'd go into chatrooms with random people and start up convos. Asking "A/S/L?" because everyone's screen names had nothing to do with anything that would reveal part of who they were. They'd be something like "aruseldan32432523453"  and then you'd be "like talking 2 this guy who said he was, like 15 and like, lived n CO, and like really wanted u 2 send him a pic l8r so he could c ur sexy f@ce..." ............oh the days of AOL. One thing I hate more than anything is when a guy communicates via text-talk. Like "u" instead of "you" and "r" instead of "are". I can completely appreciate the abbreviations (totes, whatevs, obvi), but when you use "2" intead of "too" I want to rub my face on a cheese grater. It just makes you look uneducated when you're communicating with someone for the first time and that's how you spell. It's different if you're texting one of your buddies and you're simply in a hurry, but these messages are first impressions! Re-read it, spell check it! But I digress...I think my point is, yes there are some creepers, as I expected there to be, but there also are some pretty decent guys on there (or maybe I just haven't figured out their all douche-bags yet...shit, keep an open mind B, open mind). I've been pleasantly surprised by some of the messages I've received and the conversations that have resulted from those initial messages.

So at this point I can conclude with this. Comparing my experiences with Eharmony versus Match are definitely like comparing apples to oranges. I didn't subscribe to both so I don't have all access to both so it's hard for me to really know if one is better than the other. But from the initial sign-up stage, match seemed cooler and more fun and lured me in much better than eharmony did. I've heard interesting things about plentyoffish.com and okcupid.com but haven't dabbled in those sites yet. So far I seem to be getting fairly positive results from match but I definitely haven't been on enough dates to really say that it's been worth my time or money yet. But I look forward to the experience and reporting back on it. Had one date saturday, one scheduled for tomorrow and one for thursday. So check back later this week and I'll try to recap my 3 dates thus far...without exploiting/revealing too much about the guys ;)

B