So the other day I was chit chatting with some of my girlfriends and we were discussing our thoughts about whether chivalry was dead or not. I mean, you watch old romantic movies and you see the man who pursues the woman of his dreams and does everything right to court her and they fall in love and live happily ever after, right? Hmmm...and how many of us, today, can say that they've been courted like that (or even courted at all)? And maybe it's old fashioned and maybe this is very naive of me to say but I feel like chivalry is something that will never go out of style. Every woman LOVES to be courted. And every woman wants to be treated with respect and courtesy. We all want the man that we love to do those sweet things like open our doors, bring us flowers (not for aplogizing for effing up but for no reason other than the fact that he was thinking of us) and following through on plans he's made with us. And honestly I don't think that's a lot to ask of a guy. We want someone who will be reliable and a gentleman. Someone who calls us and asks us out on dates with at least a day's advance notice.
And one of my friends, Angie, shared something with me about a year ago (which I can't, for the life of me, find on youtube) - it was a comedy bit that Steve Harvey did about how women have made it sooo easy for men to get away with not being chivalrous. Men really don't have to try that hard anymore to impress us. And I'll whole-heartedly agree that he's right. Women have made it FAR too easy to let chivalry die. And technology has been the prop that has perpetuated the situation.
First off, EFF the 90s. I can't tell you how much "The 90s" really screwed the pooch on allowing men to sit back and enjoy the ride and no longer have to work for a woman's affection. How many times have you seen a movie or read a book or talked to someone (during the 90s) where the subject of dating is brought up and a woman says "oh, come on - this is the 90s! get with the program. A woman can totally ask a man out! Don't be so old-fashioned!" Yeah, I'm gonna go with pretty much half of the movies in the 90s had that mentality. And dammit if that didn't eff that up for women everywhere. People began believing that the 90s meant that women were more empowered and "who needs to wait for the man to figure it out, I'm just going to throw myself out there and not wait for him to come to me. I'm taking matters into my own hands and asking him out". Then when a guy gets wind of the fact that one of his buddies was just asked out on a date, he realizes that, "wow, I'm just going to let them come to me! I don't have to try!"
No. No, no, no, no, NO! This is a bad idea on ALL fronts. The way that the game works is that MEN love to chase WOMEN. Women should not chase men. Besides the fact that it's simply unlady-like, men thrive off of the chase. They are the competitive sex. They live for the thrill of the chase! In all aspects of life! In work, in school, in women, in cars, in sports...you name it, they're chasing it! Now this is not to say that women can't be competitive, I whole-heartedly believe that everyone should "chase" to some extent when it comes to career, school, athletics. But in the game of love, you can't be the one to chase the man, he's gotta chase you. If he doesn't chase you, he's not the one for you. It's that simple. Men operate very differently than women. They are visual creatures. They see something they want and they go after it. And when a man approaches you, it's not because he wants to know about your dreams and aspirations...no he's approaching you because he thinks your beautiful and wants to know what it will take for you to want to be with him. "Be with him" is very vague, of course. Could mean just sexually, could mean be in a relationship, but the point is, that inital reason he came over to you was because of an attraction level. The rest is yet to be decided.
As Steve Harvey states in his book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", men either play with you or plan with you. So when a man approaches you, you've got to feel it out on whether he's going to be one that wants to play or plan. So it's very important that we, as women, set up some opportunities to read him and determine his type of game. Don't show all your cards at once. Allow him the opportunity to ask you out. If he doesn't ask you out, he's probably just in it to play and that's probably not what you ultimately want from him anyway. But if he does ask you out, then he's already one step closer to planning with you than playing with you. Steve also talks about how the text message has allowed men to not have to work for their women anymore. We are alllll too eager to allow texting to be the primary communication form. And why? What happened to a man calling a woman to ask her out? Now he can hide behind emails, texts, facebook messages...really?? I think if I ever admitted to my mother that a new guy got me to go out with him via text message she might drop dead in front of me. Not to say I haven't done it -- I mean I understand texting is a part of every-day life and it's so easy and what-have-you, but I think that if a guy really likes a girl that he should make the effort to call her. And sure, some guys don't like talking on the phone, whatever. So make the convo short and sweet! Call her up, be polite and ask her out. Then go on with the rest of your day! What I don't understand is how a guy who hates talking on the phone can spend HOURS texting back and forth. That simply doesn't make sense to me. Are you afraid your voice is going to crack? Are you secretly a 12 year old boy trapped in a 25+ year old body? Come on now...it's not that difficult. And you probably need to work on your communication skills as well (sorr about the bag, that was an uncalled-for dig).
Anyway, some say that chivalry is dead - and maybe it is. Or maybe it's just changed with the times. I know that there are still some men out there who open doors for women, who treat them with respect and loyalty, and who are courageous enough to call them and follow through on plans they make. But I also know LOTS of guys who don't do these things. And I'm afraid chivalry is starting to die on us. What are your thoughts?
-Blaire
No comments:
Post a Comment