Reunited and it feels so good!

So as many of you know, I graced the town of G-vegas with my presence this past weekend and got to catch up with some of my besties! Words cannot express how legendary this weekend was. To sum it up...in a picture:

What you are looking at here is a Tiger in Your Tank, sandwiched between a strawberry margarita and jager dispenser.

Also known as the best drink ever created, and something that will surely put you on your ass faster than you can say "Totes the Best Hund Cal Fro Yo". And that's kind of a long phrase. And believe me I know because it did put me on my ass. Twice.

I don't know which god in heaven created this wonderful elixir but I do know that it is a nectar of the gods. Sure, it may be made with everclear, it may turn your tongue orange, but the taste is pure awesomeness in a frozen beverage, and it gets you good and schmammered. To say that this weekend was somewhat of a shit-show is a mass understatement. I woke up on Sunday to find broken dreams and not a shred of dignity left. We walked the streets of greenville in the pouring rain and somehow I lost my debit card on Saturday night. My roommate decided that it would be a fabulous idea to start carding people at the bar, when they've already shown their IDs to the real bouncer. I apparently taught someone how I-285 works by tracing it out on a cobble-stoned wall, and Serena...well i don't even know what crazy thing Serena did because I was too busy in my own world being hit on by a married man to notice anyone else. Yep, that's right, I got hit on by a married man. Who, according to Serena, "wears wallabees...REALLY BLAIRE? Why would you even talk to a guy wearing Wallabees???" Well, first of all, I don't really care that he wears Wallabees. (Zack Morris Time OUT!!!!!!! Serena has always been judgemental of guys' shoes for as long as I've known her. I don't know why but she is. Most people notice eyes, hair, teeth, body build first, not Serena. She looks at the shoes first. If the man is wearing anything other than a shoe brand that she trusts, she will not even give them the time of day. I can only think of ONE instance that this didn't prove true and that was an extreme circumstance. Zack Morris Time IN!!!!!!). Second, I didnt meet this "married man" until after 2am (read: I was completely schnockered out of my mind) so the last thing I was concerned with was what brand his shoes were. Just the fact that he was not homeless and actually had shoes on was fine by me.

Anyway, so I'm talking to him, let's just call him Sam. I have no idea what his name is. In fact, I have him in my phone as Married Asshole. Why do I have his number if he's married, you ask? Because I gave it to him before I noticed the gold wedding band on his hand. And he called me right when I gave him my number so that I would have his number. Genius. Anyway, so I'm talking to Sam and I think he's pretty cute, he's buying me a drink, we're having good conversation. Then he starts to get a little touchy feely and I revert back to my awkward 14 year old self and am like "uhhhh....idk about all that, I mean 1) I literally JUST met you, 2)I don't live in g-vegas, 3)I'm probably never going to see you again and 4)I just really don't think it's a good idea." and he's all "oh why not, you're so hot (read: he's so drunk)" and then i'm like "well, i need to go see my friends so...i'ma peace out. kttylbyeeeee" and he's like "well let me at least get your number?" i'm like "yeah ok whatevs" and he immediately calls me, then he takes my hand or high-fives me or something and THAT'S when I notice the wedding band. And at first I'm like huh, is that his right hand or his left hand? shit, that's his left hand, dammit. So i ask him, "ummmm.....what's THIS?" and he fumbles over himself all "uh, yeah, um, i, uh, well, see, uh" I reply with "are you married????????" Sam replies "umm, yeah, but i mean it's cool"

UUHHHHHH NO IT'S NOT OK THAT YOU'RE MARRIED! CALL ME CRAZY BUT I DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE WOULD LIKE IT VERY MUCH IF YOU DIDN'T COME HOME TONIGHT...OR IF YOU BROUGHT ME HOME WITH YOU! Am I crazy? Tell me I'm crazy if I'm being crazy! That kid is crazy! Dude, if you're gonna cheat, at least have the common sense to take off the wedding ring! I don't wanna be some homewrecker! And have some greenville crazy hick bitch runnin after me with a shotgun! Those days are way behind me (LOLZ)

So...what did I do? No I sure as kakaballs didn't go home with him, not that I was planning to in the first place, but...I did fuck with him a little bit. And by a little bit I mean a lot. And not "fuck with him" as in "fuck him" hells to the no! I mean "fuck with him" as in, I told him that it was just too bad he was married because of all the crazy things I would have done to him if he weren't. Yep. I pulled out that stop. As you know, sexting has been a recent topic of conversation between many of my friends and you better believe I pulled out the majority of the horrifically dirty things that I've heard and used it on Married Asshole. Yeah, go home and explain those blue balls to your wifey, you dumb prick.

So yeah, that was an interesting twist to the evening...at least I got a good story out of it though. I also got to see Kaitlyn this weekend who I hadn't seen in almost a year - and damn was it good to see her. Kaitlyn has been in Afghanistan since September (moved out there for work, not enlisted) and she was in g-vegas for one night only. So we all got together for dinner and caught up before the debauchery and Tigers in our Tank took over. And holy hell, let me just say that I'm glad my job has never sent me overseas to Afghanistan to work. Not only can women simply not travel alone, but the bathroom situation over there - holy kakaballs.
Kaitlyn was so excited when she got to travel somewhere that simply had a flushing toilet that she tripped heading up the stairs and landed her elbow directly on the steel lip of the door frame and broke her elbow! Which is actually quite funny to imagine if you know Kaitlyn but let's not laugh at her expense. well ok, you can laugh a little. Bahahahaha! And how's the healthcare out there? Oh ya know, they'll just wrap it in a sling, should be fine...NO - she's gotta have surgery and they'll have to re-break it and re-set it to heal properly. Check this out:

How gross is that???

But I guess she's alright for now. I mean she is getting paid a shit-ton to live out there and pee in a barrel so I guess it all pays off in the end.

All in all, the trip to greenville was fabulous. Great times with my besties and great stories and memories. I hate that I won't see Kaitlyn for several more months again but Serena will be here next month so holla! We've got an equivalent to Tigers here in Atlanta but they're not nearly as Grrrreat! as City Tavern's (did you see what i just did there???). Anyway, I'm spent and heading out pretty soon to watch Tyler Herrin play at Eddie's Attic tonight so holla if you wanna head that way!