Sexting: the good, the bad, the ugly (NSFW)

Sexting...Ok, who's done it before? This topic seems to be coming up in conversation a LOT lately. Well beyond the point of coincidence - and it's a little strange to me. Not the act of sexting (although that's a little strange to me too), but just how many times the topic of sexting has come up in daily life over the last few weeks.

Let me give you, Exhibit A: This weekend I had a movie marathon with Sophia and Consuela (of PCBH fame) and one of the movies we watched was Up in the Air - great movie but super sad, right? However, there was a part about 1/2 way in, where Vera Farmiga and George Clooney start sexting because they're in different cities at the time.

Exhibit B: Sophia was propositioned by an old flame about it a few weeks ago. She and this guy that she used to hang out with ran into each other and it was all old-feelings-rushing-back-turned-into-late-night-"i'm-lonely-and-horny-so-i'm-going-to-attempt-to-sext-and-see-where-it-gets-me" behavior. It was also 4 in the morning. Sophia wasn't having it but she gave him a B+ for attempt.

Exhibit C: Serena told me that she's been sexting with a co-worker - all day, every day. She says she feels like she's 15 but it's a lot of fun. She also says that you get used to it after a bit. They have a totally platonic relationship IN the office - go out to lunch sometimes and talk about normal every day stuff, then after lunch - it's back to sexting. She also plans to hook up with him so...i guess not so platonic after that happens.

Exhibit D: Back to Sophia - she tells me this morning that a co-worker who's married and has children IMed her this morning and told her he had a dream about her last night. And that if she needs any help with anything (work related), he'd be happy to oblige because "it's the least he can do to pay her back for what she "did for him" last night". So, not explicit sexting but still gets the point across and has potential to turn into something fairly inappropriate as far as office politics and sexual harrassment is concerned. So there's that...

Which brings us to me...yep, I've had my own brief encounter with sexting several months ago (if you can count that, I'd rather not get into the details) and I have since toyed with the idea of it but have yet to give in to the temptation - quite literally. And I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant to succumb to sexting, but for whatever reason it makes me feel very out of my element. For one, it's kind of like the 2010 version of dirty-talk. Dirty-talk seemed to be so taboo until movies like Pretty Woman and Jerry Maguire came out. Then it was like - the dirtier the better, right? "What's your name?" "Whatever you want it to be." from Pretty Woman, and then there's the "Never! Stop! F-ing! Me!" in Jerry Maguire. Then Sex and the City brought us phone sex (which I still have yet to partake in) and now Sexting is all the rage. Between Tiger Woods and countless other celebrities who's affairs have been made public thanks to sexting, it seems to be all anyone does anymore (besides send nude photos of themselves to their lovers - I'm lookin at you Vanessa Hudgins- wasn't that her name? from HSM? I can't keep those tween stars straight).

But don't you be mistaken, it's certainly not for celebrities alone - as I mentioned in the initial Exhibits above. It seems to be becoming ever-so-popular no matter who you talk to these days. I was very tempted to ask my co-workers about it over lunch today, but then I looked at the crowd and realized that, save for maybe 2 of the 9 women I was sitting with, they were all my parents age. And I don't want to get into a conversation about sex and sexting with people of my parent's generation. It simply makes me uncomfortable. And while the topic of conversation seems blog-worthy enough and apparently a very common subject in the media and among my friends, I get the feeling that these parental-age co-workers might think I'm a sloot or something if I brought it up.

Anyway, tangent, my b. Back to sexting: As I mentioned before, I've had a brief encounter but it was kind of like playing just-the-tip - just for a minute, just to see how it feels - but not actually getting anywhere with it. I'm sure that those who have partaken in sexting would say that it can be very exciting and naughty and fun, but I feel very weird about it. I just think I'm going to sound completely ridiculous saying these things. It's probably the awkward comic in me that can't take it seriously and has to make everything a joke - that's also the immature 11 year old in me that thinks Billy Madison is one of the funniest movies ever because Adam Sandler pretends to pee his pants to save Ernie from being embarrassed. It's like, I could definitely do it if I set my mind to it but I just want to laugh about it like I'm taking sex ed for the first time all over again. Why do I act like an 11 year old? I don't know, but it embarrasses me enough that I have to make a joke about it and/or be coy to get out of the situation. Perhaps it was my upbringing that makes me feel so embarrassed to partake in these sexting activities.

My parents have had sex 2 times, and that was to conceive my brother, and then me. Or at least that's what I'd like to believe. And that's what they'd like me to believe. Because sex is embarrassing when it comes to parents and children. No person over the age of 9 wants to imagine their parents gettin it on - scratch that, no child at ANY age wants to imagine their parents getting it on - and no parent wants to believe that their child is sexually active because then they've lost their innocence. Amiright? In my household this was taken to the extreme. I was not allowed to have boyfriends over because it was inappropriate. I never talked about sex with my parents because that was the school's job. And as I mentioned here, my dad wouldn't even let me watch Friends when I was growing up because men and women shouldn't be living together unless they're married. Traditionalists? Maybe. Did it mean than any time sex is brought up in their presence I become extremely uncomfortable and want to rub my face on a cheese grater? Definitely.

So maybe my parents are to blame for why I feel that sexting is so taboo. It's like engraved into my mind that no one should talk like that, or if you do, you're a bad person (and by bad I mean naughty - but that's a whole other subject that only Sophia will understand). And it's not like I haven't thought about things that I could say to sext, but I guess I'm just of the mindset that I can't even take myself seriously thinking those thoughts, so how could anyone else? I think it makes me feel like a cheap phone-sex-operator or something...and I don't want to be a cheap phone-sex-operator! AND, can one really sext someone who they haven't physically been with? I mean, if you haven't physically seen, with your own two eyes, how someone looks beneath the sheets then I would imagine that there could be some exaggerations on one end of the line or the other...and then, if/when you actually DO scratch the itch, in person, you might set yourselves up for disappointment. Or maybe that's not it at all...maybe you would be pleasantly surprised and maybe it would be even better than the sexting since you have that physical touch (finally...amiright?). Hmm...lot's to think about.

I think, too, that sexting is kind of like becoming someone else entirely (or at least it would be for me) - and maybe that's the appeal. We all have some sex god or goddess that's just waiting to be given the opportunity to come out and play, right? I don't consider myself to be an explicit person. Granted, I went through a stage where I cursed like a sailor and if I'm belligerently drunk, that part of me may slip out from time to time. But when the C word and the P word get thrown around, I feel dirty (and no, i'm not referring to "crap" and "penis"). And I feel like a bad, vile person for saying those words. And if someone uses those words around me, I feel dirty too - so that makes me think that sexting might not be my thing. Idk...but I guess sex is all about being uninhibited and letting carnal urges take control, right? Sex god/goddess? I think that in terms of sexting though, you've got to already be in the mindset to become uninhibited like that. So, when a guy sexts you, do you just stop what you're doing and grab your Rabbit and head to the bedroom? One of my friends seems to think that you can sext throughout the day - and hell - Serena DOES sext throughout the day with a co-worker. I guess it's all about using your imagination and somehow multitasking throughout the day? I would think that if I were going to sext someone, I'd want there to be a grand finale and not sit around and frustrate myself all day, but maybe that's just me...Maybe if you were able to meet the person on the other end of the sexting for a quickie at lunch, then that would be ok and probably totally worth it...but if you can't? That's just frustrating!

And what's the protocol on sexting someone you've never actually slept with? I mean Serena is doing that with a co-worker and she told me just the other day that she plans to sleep with him soon. But do ALL sexters end up inevitably sleeping together? I would imagine so because once you enter the dirty-talk realm all you want to do is make those conversations a reality. And if you're sexting someone, you are obviously sexting with that person in mind when you talk about all the bad things you want to do to each other.

So...there's my thoughts on sexting...what do YOU think? Do you sext with someone? Is it someone you've physically been with before? If no, do you plan on things heading that direction?

Ponder and respond. Athankyouverymuch.

Ciao!
B