He's just not that into you

Story of my life. And apparently every one of my single friends' lives as well. My roommie and I watched this gem of a movie on Sunday and at the end of it I was highly depressed. I alleviated my depression by watching parts of The Uninvited on HBO...holy shit. At least it took my mind off the terribly depressing feelings I was having before and replaced them with terror and a sudden urge to pee my pants. Don't worry, I controlled myself in case any of you were wondering. But for the last 2 days, I can't help but replay parts of that damn movie ("He's just not that into you") over again in my head. You see, I do this from time to time.
I'm not sure what part of my brain is trained to function like this but I have this knack for memorizing lines from movies and TV shows, and replaying scenes over and over in my head. I'm really good with recognizing actors faces and recalling some obscure movie or show they were in for one episode. PCBH is always shocked when I can tell her "Oh yeah that girl in The Uninvited was in one episode of Vampire Diaries, ya know, the one where Stephan's friend comes back to visit and Damon ends up killing her so that he doesn't blow his Vampire cover?" Or, "Oh yeah that guy in The Closer who is an attorney that Brenda can't prove is guilty of rape and murder was also Charlie in Twilight" Yeah...if you're a Closer fan, I know I just blew your mind. And no, I don't have IMDB saved as my home page or anything, I'm just that good! But I will occasionally use it from time to time when an actor is just on the tip of my toungue. Anyway, not totally sure where I was going with that.

But, back to He's just not that Into you. Great cast, decent movie because the cast is so pretty to look at (read: Bradley Cooper, Kevin Connolly, what what! Yes, Kevin Connolly - the only ginger I think I've ever been attracted to), but damn do I hate the ending. I mean Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long's storyline? Really? The whole time he's telling her that "she's not the exception, she's the rule" and then at the end "she's his exception"...i mean, what kind of bullshit is that? I am all for operating under the mentality that all girls are the rule and that the exception is simply some figment of our imaginations that only exists in movies like "Sleepless in Seattle" or "Failure to Launch" or hell, even "Princess Diaries" whatever...that's totally fine! I am totally content with living my life under the pretense that I will always be the rule, never the exception. And I actually would recommend that all women operate under this pretense, because 95% of the time, that's how it goes...

For example, I can bet that everyone reading this can think of that one friend they have who had a friend who was dating this guy who never wanted to settle down but then when she walked away he came running after her because he realized he couldn't live without her and that she was the best thing to ever happen to him and he was an idiot for not seeing it sooner. But let me point something out to you. This is never someone you know personally. It's always "my sister's friend" or "my friend's aunt" or "my brother in law's cousin's dog's new dog-walker". Am I right? You never personally hear the story first-hand from a girl who actually was dating a guy and he miraculously transformed into Mr Right one day. These are bullshit stories and they WILL not happen to you. Sorry to burst your bubble if you're living in a fantasy world that believes in goblins and prince charming.

And if they do happen to you, then by all means please come shove it in my face, but I firmly believe that no single woman should operate under the idealistic mentality of being swept off her feet, or that she's able to change a man. We're simply setting ourselves up for disappointment. I'd say that a man becomes set in his ways by about the time he's 19. By this point he has likely lived on his own, without the help of his mother for maybe a year. He's been raised to the best of his mother's and sister's ability and he's learned all he's going to about women in a confined setting. Now he's in the "real world" and if he doesn't have some idea of the "right way" and the "wrong way" to treat women, then he's probably never going to figure it out. Sure he might learn a thing or two over the next few years, but he's pretty much an old dog at this point - and you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks. So, we have to hope and pray that the men we are attracted to had some sort of moral compass during their upbringing because we know (or we should know) that the way they are when we meet them is the way they're going to be. Am I being slightly cynical? Perhaps, but please, let me walk you through my psyche this morning.

As I stated earlier, I have a tendency to replay scenes from movies in my head, so...shall we? Take Ben Affleck and Jennifer Anniston's storyline. They date for seven years (SEVEN years!!) which is plenty of time for any woman to believe that it's time to get married. Yet Ben stands true to what he's told her for years: "can't you accept the fact that I do not believe in the concept of marriage??", so she ends things but she's miserable and says she wants to get back together because "he's more of a husband to her, not being married than any of her sister's husbands are". So he is essentially getting what he wants. He's getting the girl, but never has to marry her. And I'm pretty sure that's every guy's dream! To get the milk for free without buying the cow. but then, new line cinema has to be able to sell this movie so hey-O! Joke's on you Benny boy because you've now all of a sudden realized that you want to make this woman so happy so you're going to give her what she wants, marriage! Now isn't that just the sweetest thing in the world? And OMG if I ever wake up in a 7 year relationship without a ring on my finger, I just know this is going to happen to me now because it happened to Jenn!

No.

No, no, no, no, no! Any guy who got a girl like Jenn Anniston to say that she was OK with never getting married but he just couldn't bring his gross cargo pants into the house with him would JUMP at that. He wouldn't back-pedal and be like "oh ya know what, i'm dumb and i should marry this girl" come on! it's a free pass! You've got Jenn Anniston committing to you! Committing to sex with you for the rest of your life and you never have to marry her! Isn't that the jackpot? Why would you all of a sudden be like 'oh I do want to marry her'? the answer: you wouldn't! This type of story WILL not happen! If Ben's character was raised to not believe in marriage, 1) there's a good reason for it, and 2) he's not changing his mind! Especially since she caved! She said she never had to marry him! So this plotline is complete and utter bullshit! So why do movies make us believe that this kind of thing can happen?? If that were to actually happen, and the guy was to cave and get married, then he'd end up like Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Connelly's story line and he'd cheat on her with Scarlett Johansson. And let's face it ladies, we don't want that either.

This movie is all kinds of eff'ed up, to be honest. I think the only two character's I'm truly happy with in the end are Drew Barrymore and Kevin Connolly. And that's probably because the movie doesn't delve into details about them and just throws the two together at the very end. So you just have to assume that since Kevin is already a stand-up guy (he wants a relationship w/ Johansson from the beginning - meaning he's a relationship guy, he's serious, he knows what he wants and it happens to be what most women want), that he and Drew hit it off and live happily ever after. That's the only believable storyline in this entire thing. Ginnifer should have ended up with Bill, not Justin. And the other Jennifer is a little bit psycho with Bradley over a pack of cigs. I mean I would understand the cheating thing to be a reason to kick him to the curb but a pack of cigs? Get him the patch or some niccorrette or a hypnotist!

I'm not totally sure why I'm ripping this movie apart, other than the fact that I keep replaying it in my head. And I've been thinking a lot recently about dating and my options and what I want out of the dating world in 2010 and I think more than anything I just want to keep my head level. I want to be realistic about my expectations with guys. I want to take him for who he is and decide whether or not he's someone I actually want to spend my time with (as opposed to waste my time with). In other words, I want to get good at reading guys and being able to determine if they're relationship guys or non-relationship guys. I don't want to convince myself that some guy I'm seeing is going to change and turn into what I want eventually, and I also don't want to settle. And I want to be upfront about my expectations. So I guess we can add that to my list of resolutions. Which--by the way, are going very well! I made my 2x running goal last week and I'm about to head home for workout #2 of THIS week. And I'm going to do more this week since I'm now training for a half marathon. Yep, you read that right, 1/2 marathon, right here! Yikes. But I'm definitely excited about it! And I'm on my way to making headway on my financial goals. Little by little, right? I haven't joined WW again but maybe this week. And as for going out, I only spent about $15 this weekend and only went out Friday night! Be proud of me :)

Ok, time to make like a banana and split!
Ciao

B